just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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