What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
