We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
