I didn't shave. On purpose
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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