Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
