Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
