you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
