FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He kissed a someone with a penis
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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