just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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