Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So here I am, sexting at work.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
