it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
