It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
