end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize