this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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