Your mouth is God's brothel.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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