similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
