no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
