Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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