but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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