so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
