Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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