Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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