Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
