what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
