we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
