no, he came in my armpit
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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