I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
