and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
