He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
