sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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