your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
