There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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