I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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