Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I enjoy the company of your penis
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
