im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
