i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
