Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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