Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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