I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
