when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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