Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
