please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
sarcasm needs its own font
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
