Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
