No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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