I got chris browned last night
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
