i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
