Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
