everyone is single if you try hard enough
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
