I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
