i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
