This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
