Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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