sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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