There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
