I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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