john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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