A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
