I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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