Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
