I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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