Whatcha textin bout Willis?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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