Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
