Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
