i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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