Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
