So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
