dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
