Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
